Omen of the Stars 4 and a half: the Gender Blender
by StupidSequel
Summary: A mysterious Twoleg force is going around the Clans, turning random cats into the opposite gender, which ThunderClan, with its new leader, fears will destroy their most sacred romantic couple. The PoT prophecy will be fulfilled. Contains SOTM spoilers.


**Warriors: Omen of the Stars 4.5: the Gender Blender**

(AN: This takes place after the events of Sign of the Moon. Since this is written before The Forgotten Warrior comes out, it is completely made up. This story will contain SOTM spoilers, so if you ain't read that far, read at your own risk or not at all. If the Erins ever read this, they will shit themselves.)

Firestar, Cinderheart, Jayjay, as well as most of ThunderClan were all gaping at the black she-cat who had pelted out of the tunnel. Yup, Hollyleaf is alive (we all cheered when SOTM hinted at Hollyleaf being alive, didn't we?)

"Ivypool and Blossomfall were disturbing my peace! You know how embarrassing it is to be walked in on while plotting to kill Ashfur." Hollyleaf grumbled.

"But you already killed Ashfur, and everyone thought we were dead." Lionblaze pointed out.

"Shut up, Nuck Chorris! If you thought I was dead, then... Oh my StarClan, then I must be the Forgotten Warrior! I remember that the reason I went in the tunnels was because I needed total peace and quiet while I plotted to kill Ashfur."

"Liar!" Cinderheart called.

"Don't call me a liar, Cinderfart!" Hollyleaf growled. "Wait a minute." She mused as Leafpool was digging up Ashfur's corpse. It was just a skeleton by now. "Wait, so I already killed Ashfur? Damn, I'm so badass!" She boasted. "I'm so sorry for going in the tunnels and picking on Fallen leaves." Something about Hollyleaf was making Firestar suddenly feel intense guilt about being in battles, but he couldn't put his rewity (my made-up word for what cats have equivalent to fingers) on it. He thought he would have been fine getting declawed. He was that much of a pacifist now. The full moon was overhead. Time for the Gathering.

At the Gathering, RiverClan was especially shocked to see Hollyleaf again, and Leafpool was especially shocked to see Heavystep still alive and well, even in OOTS. He still felt anger toward Hollyleaf, and once more, he flattened his ears in disapproval. All 4 Clan leaders raised their tails to signal silence. Brambleclaw spontaneously combusted. Nobody gave a rat's ass, except for Dovewing, who suffered severe sensory overload due to the loudness and brightness of his sudden explosion. It somehow escaped Firestar's attention, and he did not know that he was now without a deputy. Yet.

"A month ago, the Clan spotted this huge Twoleg thing going around and scooping up cats, turning them into a fine paste, and then spitting them back out fully formed, but in the opposite gender that they normally are." Mistystar was hyperventilating. Blackstar and Onestar were giggling. Firestar was genuinely concerned. After Onestar and Blackstar spake of meaningless trivialities, it was Firestar's turn.

"Not sure what to talk about, but," and then he broke into song. "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family..." he sang just like Barney. "Also, ThunderClan will need to help RiverClan with their problem just because we're a rainbow farting butterfly pooping Clan who lives in a saccharine fairytopia Arcadia while the other Clans have to wallow in their own crapulence. In fact, I have no idea why we even have a medicine cat since we're God perfect. Jayjay, if you're listening to this, you are officially stepping down as medicine cat." All the other Clans had left in the middle of his Diabetes Clan speech. "StarClan dammit, only ThunderClan heard me!"

On the way to ThunderClan territory, Firestar made Jayjay permanently forgo his medicine den and all the herbs in it as well as everything else, kit and kaboodle, including a tuft of Hollyleaf's fur he found. He met up with Hollyleaf.

"This belongs to you," Jayjay said to his hot sister. "I think I'm in love with you," Jayjay added in a whisper. Hollyleaf snatched the tuft of fur away and grumbled an insincere sounding thank you.

"Did I hear you right? That you're in love with your own sister? Dude, that's sick." It was Graystripe who spake thusly.

"Well, your parents are brother and sister, so it must be okay for me to be in love with Hollyleaf!" Jayjay spat. "Ooooh, BURN!" Graystripe walked away, head down and tail drooping.

"If only I had a brother to fall in love with," Cinderheart pouted "but Lionblaze is too perfect, and a brother would just be incest. Also, I don't remember who my brother is, and even if I did, it would be incest, which I think is wrong."

"I think you and Lionblaze should be mates," Dovewing said. "You have as much power as he does. In fact, you just might be the fourth. I mean, you came back to life, you used to be a cat named Cinderpelt." Dovewing said with a slight chuckle. Cinderheart narrowed her eyes.

"What makes me any more special than any other cat? So I can come back to life and not be a Clan leader? Easy enough to do. I hear Smokepaw and Heavystep have done it. Should they each be the fifth and sixth?" They were close enough to the ShadowClan border to be heard by the Slytherin Clan.

"Ummm, just to clarify, there were two Smokepaws. One had a brown pelt, and the other, who is currently alive, has a black pelt. Smokepaw NEVER came back after falling down the cliff." Smokepaw's mother said in an Antarctican accent. "You can imagine how confusing it got." Dovewing cast her senses to Riverclan to check on Heavystep to see if there was anything unusual about his sensory output. She found something much more troublesome.

"YOU LEAVE MISTYSTAR ALONE! SHE SHOULD ALWAYS BE A SHE CAT. YET YOU HAD THE AUDACITY TO TURN HER INTO A TOM CAT SO IT'S NOW A GAY COUPLE."

"No cat is safe from the gender blender! Mwahahaha!" A hissing voice sounded. She tracked its movements to the WindClan border.

"Crowfeather, prepare to live your life as a she-cat." CHOP CHOP CHOP DICE. Crowfeather was now a she-cat.

"Eeeewww! GET OUT NOW! IF YOU CAN'T STAY A MAN, IT'S OVER!" Nightcloud hissed. Dovewing guessed it was the gender blender that Mistystar was talking about. Oh no! It was heading to ThunderClan now! She saw a huge Twoleg thing with a tall circular clear thing and a shiny metallic dicey thing floating toward them. (Twoleg terms: it was a giant kitchen blender).

"No one is safe from the gender blender!" It chanted. Everybody screamed as it scooped up Hollyleaf, diced her up, and spit her out intact, but this time as a tom cat.

"NOOOOO!" Jayjay wailed. "You can't do this to the love of my life!" The gender blender was now chasing Cinderheart. Dovewing knew that if it got her, then the LionxCinder pairing would be lost forever, and she somehow felt it was important that they get back together. Firestar walked out of his den to see what all the commotion was. The gender blender paused for a sec, then headed for Firestar! Sandstorm was hissing at it in fury.

"Stay away from my man!" She tried scratching it. No effect.

"Phew," Dovewing sighed in relief as Ivypool held a mouse in his jaws. Firestar was still obviously a tom cat. She chuckled at Ivypool now being a tom cat. She hated him (Ivypool, I mean) enough to wish that he was one of the victims of 9/11. Maybe not THAT much, but gettin' there.

"If you think you can turn my Firestar hubby into a she-cat, guess again!" Sandstorm raged. She clawed at Firestar's throat until blood was spraying out. She chewed the would like a gila monster. All of Firestar's lives were being lost all at once. "You can't blend the gender of a dead cat!" Sandstorm held her middle rewity up. The gender blender was now heading to the ShadowClan border. "I wonder if killing a cat is what makes the blender go to the next Clan." Thank goodness the sacred Lionxcinder pairing was safe.

Time had passed. Brambleclaw was supposed to be going to the MoonPool to receive his nine lives, but no cat knew where he was, except Dovewing, who, to this day, can still feel the physical pain of when he exploded like a bomb. Purdy stepped out of the elder's den.

"None of you knew this, but Firestar made me his deputy in secret, since there was no time for a clan meeting. Time for ol' Purdy to get his nine lives from Starclan."

When Purdystar came back from the MoonPool, Dovewing was freaking out again. The gender blender was back in WindClan. She cast her senses. They were lamenting about Crowfeather's death.

"Looks like Crowfeather wasn't the correct one to kill. Let's try Nightcloud this time. She hasn't been struck yet." Dovewing gulped in nervousness as someone killed Nightcloud. The gender blender was now heading toward ThunderClan again. She quickly deduced that killing a cat is what makes the gender blender go to the next Clan in a counter clockwise fashion. Sandstorm made dirt in the fresh kill pile and forced Hollyleaf to eat something from it. He got blackcough and died from it.

"Serves you right for killing Assfur!" She spat. Jayjay was depressed because the love of his life was now dead. He remembered that he would not be breaking the warrior code by falling in love since Firestar made him step down.

"Screw you, gender blender!" Leafpool spat. The LionxCinder couple was safe yet again, but how long could it last? They couldn't keep killing every cat in the Clan just to make the gender blender move to the next Clan, thus keeping every cat the same gender, could they?

The next day, after the gender blender made several hundred circles round the lake, there were only a few cats left in ThunderClan. Jayjay, Lionblaze, Dovewing, Cinderheart, Sandstorm, Ivypool, Leafpool, Purdystar, Graystripe, Purdystar, and Millie were all that was left of ThunderClan. While the gender blender was back in RiverClan, Purdystar took the time to call a Clan meeting to name the new ThunderClan deputy.

Fast forward...

Millie became the new deputy of ThunderClan. Dovewing cast her senses around the lake, she found that ShadowClan, WindClan, and RiverClan were for the most part intact. They had not lost many cats. _Impossible. _She then overheard this from ShadowClan:

"We've killed Smokefoot before, and we'll do it again to drive away the gender blender. It's time it should pay for turning Blackstar into a she-cat."

From RiverClan:

"Kill Heavystep. If he dies, no big deal. Hey I hope Dovewing isn't listening to us chat."

"Don't worry, you'd have to be some sort of Jesus to be able to do that."

From WindClan:

"We killed Gorsetail for what seems like the thousandth time, but the gender blender just keeps coming back."

Finally, ThunderClan. Dovewing called Purdystar over to call a Clan meeting.

"Dovewing has something to say to the rest of the Clan," Purdystar called to the Clan.

"The reason the other three Clans are still healthy and strong and we're so few is because there is one cat in each Clan that can't be killed permanently. Smokefoot from ShadowClan, Heavystep from RiverClan, and Gorsetail from WindClan."

"And if my dream wandering skills are correct, then Cinderheart should be the cat to kill." Jayjay spake. Lionblaze backed away.

"My love is not for you to kill. What if she doesn't come back?"

"When I died as Cinderpelt, I came back. Trust me on this," Cinderheart said affectionately. She and Lionblaze touched noses. Ivypool used his Dark Forest techniques to deliver the killing blow to Cinderheart. After the gender blender left, Cinderheart got back up, much to Lionblaze's delight. They hugged each other and fought playfully together like kits. Awww...

Graystripe didn't like the idea of such an old cat being leader. He was thinking about Millie and how she should be leader because that would be so hot. He lunged on Purdystar.

"YOU. DID. NOT. Get RID OF THE GENDER BLENDER COMPLETELY! AAARRRGH! PREPARE TO DIE, FOOL!"

After a few cats had gotten done with hunting patrols, Graystripe deposited Purdystar's dead body on the fresh kill pile while Milliestar grabbed a chaffinch. Milliestar was a fresh young mind compared to Purdystar.

Eventually the gender blender came back to ThunderClan again. Lionblaze was pissed. He did not want his love object to die again and again just to make the gender blender come circling around. Jayjay found himself in love with Ivypool. Ivypool found himself in love with Jayjay. They kissed on a beautiful sunset. It was a moment that Ivypool wanted never to end. Ever since Ivypool was turned into a tom cat, he was kicked out of the Dark Forest because Tigerstar no longer thought of him as a strong girl, and that would be so hot. Jayjay no longer wanted to be homosexual, but he still wanted to be in love with Ivypool, so he submitted to the gender blender. There. Now they could have kits. And they did.

Lionblaze finally got the nerve to ask about the gender blender's motive, since this is near the end, and most stories reveal the villain's true motives near the end of an arc.

"The humans, er, Twolegs, want to clear out this lake to build a waterpark but they noticed a bunch of cats, so they built me to change the cats' genders so that they cannot reproduce, and I knew that you would all kill each other to get me to stay away, which was to my advantage, but what I did not count on was that a few cats had the power to come back from the dead ad infinitum (AN: I don't care if I used that word right, you prolly know wut I meant) and unfortunately I can't do anything about it, so I just desperately circled the lake again and again, hoping a Clan would cave in. If Cinderheart can't die, then you shall be a she-cat now." Lionblaze sprang forward before the blender had time to react, and clawed it to pieces, cuz, you know, he's all strongicle and stuff. The gender blender was officially destroyed now.

"Why didn't you do that in the first place?" Milliestar yelled.

"Because I wanted to appear normal," Lionblaze confessed. Milliestar nodded in agreement. From now on every cat was now the same gender always (Jayjay was still a she cat and Ivypool was still a tom). Lionblaze and Cinderheart had 17 beautiful kits. That was the three's big destiny, to witness this beautiful miracle. Sol came back, panting.

"Where is my wife, Hollyleaf?"

"Uhh, we killed her. Why do you ask?" Leafpool answered casually. Sol narrowed her eyes.


End file.
